


B33 < nyalright heres the situation

by reva_pocalypse



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Cat Puns, Earth C (Homestuck), Gen, Hurt/Comfort, It's hard being a sprite, Other, Stimming, autistic davepeta, cat sounds, it's hard and nobody unpurrstands, jadedavepeta is important to the fic but they don't talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-09
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:55:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24094687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reva_pocalypse/pseuds/reva_pocalypse
Summary: davepeta and jasprose have a little chat about pranks, important questions, and the contradictions inherent in existing as two people. *mrrrrrr chirp!*
Relationships: Davepetasprite & Jasprosesprite (Homestuck), Davepetasprite/Jade Harley
Comments: 6
Kudos: 37





	B33 < nyalright heres the situation

**Author's Note:**

> this piece is for the prototyped zine! check it out [HERE!](https://tinyurl.com/prototypedzine) everybody worked really hard on their pieces and they're all so good!!! :)

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < *silently tiptoes up the supurr st33p hill*  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < *watches the ground carefurry to avoid stepping on any conveniently placed brittle sticks*  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < *remembers to fold my wings up so they dont rustle the grass and reveal my position!*  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < *congratulates myself on my purrfect plan to surpurrise jasprose*  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Hello, Davepeta.  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: BOO < fuck!  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i mean  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < *yelps in shock*  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: If you really intend to sneak up on me, you should probably ease up on the roleplaying a bit.  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Cats have excellent hearing, you know! :3  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < well duh  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < out of all the people we know i am the most likely to know purrcisely how well cats can hear!  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: And yet, even with this stunning insight under your rainbow-striped belt, you still decide to mumble every move you make under your breath.  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I’ve seen better plans! ;3  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but jasproooooooose  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < whats the fun in pranks if mew dont even get to roleplay while doing them??  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Correct me if I’m wrong, but...  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I’m pretty sure the fun part comes when you actually succeed in pranking someone! *Mrrrrrr chirp!*  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < oh shit!  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < you destroyed me jasp  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < *makes a face like that one depurressed emoji people use all the time mew know the one*  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Do you mean...   
JASPROSESPRITE^2: :pensive: :3  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: BOO < holy shit jasprose i didnt know you could do that irl  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < teach me  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: No!  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < yes  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: No!!!!  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < yes B33  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: My secrets are precious, Davepeta! You don’t just get a tutorial from me for free!  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: If I started handing out all my tricks to any sucker who asked, then where would I be?  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < ...  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < surrounded by a bunch of cool people who know how to do wild shit like make emoji faces in real life  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I’m not teaching you.  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < dammit!  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Also, I was just kidding when I chided you for roleplaying earlier. It’s quite endearing!  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < oh hell no you cant change the subject now  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < your gr33diness has already b33n exposed  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Has it now? *Chirp chirp!!*  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < yeah and ill never furget about it  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < ill hold this grudge till the end of time mew can bet your weird face tentacle things on it  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Duly noted! Heeheehee *purrrrr!*  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Soooooo... is that it?  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B?? < is what it  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Did you come here only to delight in the simple joys of amateur pranks, or is there a better reason for the sudden visit?  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < aw dont be like that  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < am i not ameowed to visit mew fur fun anymore or what  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Of course you are! I am very happy to see you.   
JASPROSESPRITE^2: No offense to our wonderful fellow gods of Earth C, but spending too much time around that lot gets so fucking dull.  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: They never stop prattling on about all their “important responsibilities.” What a drag!!  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I can always trust you to liven things up a bit. It’s refreshing! Purrrrr :3  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B’33 < *wipes a grateful tear furom my face with the tip of a claw*  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: But that doesn’t change the fact that we were hanging out all morning! You left because you had other things to do today.  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Weren’t you gonna go meet up with Jade?  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Maybe... ask her a few things?? ;3 ;3 ;3  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < welllllll yeah i was  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Then what happened?  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: BXX < ...  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Don’t make that face! Tell me!  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B(( < ...  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Come on, spit it out!!  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B(( < ok ok ok!  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B(( < i got scared  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: What??  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B(( < i know! its really embarrassing!  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B(( < thats why i didnt wanna tell mew  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: No, I don’t think it’s embarrassing.  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I was just surprised!   
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Until now, you’ve gone for what you wanted with all the confidence and passion in the world!  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: You’re almost as brave as me, and that’s saying something! Purrrr!!  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: So what happened to you?  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B(( < well...  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: And get that frown off your face! It doesn’t suit you at all.  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < ok lmeow!  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < as mew already know i was gonna ask jade to live with her today  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < and i was so pumped!! finally jade would know how strongly i really f33l about her  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < starting today i would get to spend so much more time with her which is pawnestly all ive efur wanted  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B// < but then i started ofurthinkin efurrything  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i mean i dont even know if she f33ls that way about me!  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: So ASK her, dumbass! Wasn’t that the whole point of today???  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < well thats the real purroblem  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < how can i ask her if she wants to spend her life with me when i...  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: BXX < this is so stupid  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: BXX < jrose this is like those gristly bits that get stuck in your t33th after youre done chowing down on a scrumptious haunch  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: BXX < yknow the ones that mew have to pick out with your claws one by one for like an hour  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: BXX < and then your claws are just covered in it and thats a whole other situa—  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Davepeta, if you don’t get to the point soon, I’m gonna march up to Jade and ask her to live with you myself!!!  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Or better yet, steal her for myself from right under your unassuming whiskers. ;3 ;3 ;3 ;3  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: BOO < noooooooo!!!  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < ok ok fiiiiine ill spill  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i just dunno if its even alright to ask purr to be with me at all  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < like... morally speaking  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B// < B//  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B// < are mew happy now jaspy  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Don’t call me Jaspy!! Hissssss!!!!  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I have tolerated all of your creative nicknames up to this point, but I have to draw the line at Jaspy.  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B(( < yeah thats ok  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B(( < it was a dumb nickname anyway B((  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Wait, no! Don’t be so dejected about it.  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I didn’t mean it that seriously! I just wanted to lighten the mood a little bit with our usual banter.  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B(( < oh i get it now  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B(( < thats furry sw33t of you jasprose  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B(( < sorry fur bein such a downer! i dont wanna ruin the fun vibes we had going  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: It’s alright. Vibing is quite a difficult state to sustain. We all need breaks from the vibes every now and then!  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I think what you really need right now is a good vent, to get this frankly befuddling concern out of your system!  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Just like finally releasing the tail of a pesky mouse that was more bone than meat anyway. Mrrrrrrp!  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I am happy to listen for as long as you need. :3  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < jasprose that is such a good idea! B33  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < maybe just chatting it out will help this whole purroblem s33m less scary and pawful!  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < so get ready fur the f33ls trip of a lifetime  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < that clever little f33lings mouse i just let roam fr33 has decided to take a scenic tour of my furry own brain!  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < really take advantage of its mew and impurroved life expectancy with a lifechanging road trip fit fur the scrapbooks  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < purrsonal revelations are on the horizon jasprose and that mouse is barreling toward them as fast as it can in its beat up station wagon  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Davepeta!! You’re rambling again!!!! 3:<  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: BOO < fuck!!!!!!  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < nyalright heres the situation  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < davesprite lived with jade for thr33 whole years on the golden ship  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < at one point he even dated purr!  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but jade doesnt remember that  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B(( < since shes from a diffurent timeline all she can remember is thr33 years of isolation  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < and when i was on my way to m33t jade i realized something else  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < so many of the daves and sometimes nepetas hanging out in my head also have memories of jade she isnt aware of at all  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < weve spent so much time together in all those lives i f33l like i know her like the back of my paw!  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but she knows so little about me  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < she knew davesprite pretty well back when he was still dave but so much about me has changed since then  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < im purractically a stranger to her now  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < doesnt that s33m unfair to mew?  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Not rea—  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < and that question set off one of those brain arguments that happen efurry now and then  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < at furst those didnt bother me at all! theyre hilarious to listen to and usually arent about anything impurrtant  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but this one felt more like a migraine  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < the daves are all confident that i just n33d to spend more time with jade and shell get to know me better and efurrything will be fine  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B(( < but the nepetas are fureaking out! *snikt snikt*  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B(( < they f33l like im cheating at our relationship *snikt snikt snikt* and that a real relationship n33ds to start on equal footing *snikt snikt snikt snikt* and that we could nefur be together cause ill always have that edge on her!!!  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B(( < *snikt*  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B(( < and after realizing that i came here  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B(( < so uh  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B(( < i guess thats the whole story  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Oh, Davepeta... 3:  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B(( < B((  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Try not to be too torn up over this unfortunate debacle. I’m sure we can figure out what’s causing this discord in your mind, if we put our feline brains together! :3  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B(( < ok...  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < ok! lets do this  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Don’t mind me, I’m going to think aloud for a quickie!  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: To tell you the truth, my own brain tantrums haven’t been nearly as shitty.  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Maybe that’s because Jaspers wasn’t a particularly opinionated cat. Which is probably because he was just a cat? Mrrrp!  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: When I was born, I think all of Rose’s thoughts and feelings and passions were chucked through the filter of a simple cat, who doesn’t have the inhibitions a traumatized teenager carries.  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: This wonderful awakening has made me a very different person than Rose will ever be, but that doesn’t change the fact that we are verrrrry similar! No matter how much she tries to deny it. ;3  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: All of that to say: whenever my Roses and Jasperses have one of their squabbles, they always come to a quick consensus, because Jaspers was a laidback little kitty!  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: But your situation is a bit different.  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Or should I say... diffurent. ;3  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < h33h33!  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i think im pickin up what youre puttin down here  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < dave and nepeta had their own distinct identities and senses of self  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < its simply impawssible for them to agr33 on efurrything!  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i guess that means my existence was always bound to be a little purrbulent  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i still f33l a little shitty about it tho  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < like i shouldve known i would fureak out eventually i shouldve b33n expecting that  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but being me usually f33ls so good!  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < daves depurression made him f33l completely worthless and alienated from all of his furiends  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < nepeta never really liked herself at all  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but becoming davepeta made all of those ugly f33lings disappear  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < nepeta and dave found a happiness in each other that they had never even thought pawssible!  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < fur the furst time in so many of my lives i f33l comfurtable with who i am  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < and i wanna k33p it that way  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i dont want this to tear me apart  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B(( < fuck i cant even imagine how terrible it would be to return to all that misery *snikt*  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B(( < all that emptiness *snikt* and hatred *snikt* and longing *snikt snikt snikt*  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: X(( < hisssssssssss i hate thinking about this!!!!  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Davepeta. Look at me.  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B(( < ...  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Now breathe.   
JASPROSESPRITE^2: In... and out.  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B(( < ok  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: BOO < *inhales through my cute little cat nose, scenting the air around me as i do*  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: BOO < *smells the earthy bark of the tr33s all around us*  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: BOO < *fills my lungs with the sharp scent of dew in the grass and the sw33tness of the flowers*  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: BOO < *and... exhales*  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Yes. Just like that.  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Although, maybe take a little break from the roleplaying. For real this time. :3  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < ok  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < ok ok ok  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i think im ok now  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < thank mew jasprose B33  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Anytime! :3 :3 :3  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: And just so you know, I don’t think you’re ever going to split. You’ve made it this far already, I think you’re gonna hold it together!  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Of course things are gonna be tricky for us sprites squared! But that’s okay!  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Things always suck a little bit, for everyone. You’ll get used to it soon enough! ;3  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: And in exchange for those pesky anxiety attacks and existential crises, we get to be gods.  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: You and I are unholy amalgamations of creatures that were never meant to mix, with the wisdom and experience of thousands readily available at our clawed fingertips.  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: And that’s fucking incredible!!! :D  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: BDD < yeah!!!! BDD  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: So go talk to Jade, and tell her how you feel!  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < about her or about myself  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Preferably both! Honesty is very important in a healthy relationship, you know. Hiding things from her will only come back to bite you in the ass later.  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < yeah youre right...  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Of course I am! :3  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: And don’t say that with such trepidation!!! Surely you trust my judgement a little more than that.  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < oh mew want me to try again  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Yes! And make it count this time!!  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: BOO < YEAH YOURE RIGHT!!!  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < damn did that flock of birds just leave  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < do you s33 this shit jasprose?  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I absolutely do, and I condemn their astounding cowardice!  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: They’re idiots if they don’t realize that the sound of somebody singing my praises is the sweetest in the world! *Chirp!*  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < h33h33h33!  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: But, and this is extraordinarily rare, that’s enough talk about me!   
JASPROSESPRITE^2: How are you feeling? Are you ready to talk to Jade now?  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i think i am  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < all those memories of jade cropped up in the back of my head arent just good for scaring the shit outta me mew know  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < thanks to them i have purractically endless proof that jade is an inpurredibly empathetic purrson  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < time and time again shes listened to my purroblems no matter how silly  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < shes always b33n so suppurrtive of me and i love that about her!!  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < and its hard being a sprite  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < its hard and nobody understands  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but if theres anyone out there who might i know its her  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < so im gonna go talk to her!  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Yes!  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < im gonna tell her how i f33l!!  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: YES!!!  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: BDD < and its gonna be wonpurrful!!!!!  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: YES!!!!!  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: My feline instincts assure me that you’re going to do great out there! I am rooting for you, Davepeta! :3 :3 :3  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i appurreciate that furry much B33  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < *suddenly leaps ten f33t into the air!*  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < *pumps my wings to propel me up and up until im soaring high above the tr33s*  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < *gives my dear furiend jasprose a last wave goodbye...*  
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < *and shoots away!!!*  



End file.
